January 2021

The Monument Glossary: Why The Words We Use Matter

Posted on January 22, 2021 | by Randy Smith | Leave a Comment

How we talk about our relationship with alcohol matters. Why? Oftentimes, conversations around drinking lack inclusivity and scientific accuracy, creating stigma and barriers to treatment. Education and encouragement are critical to changing the narrative.

At Monument, we provide accessible online alcohol treatment to change your drinking on your own terms. And our language reflects that.

Here’s a glossary of terms you can expect to find on our platform, and language you won’t be seeing from us. If you identify with words that we don’t use and they’re working for you, keep at it. While you might not see them here at Monument, we support you in whatever feels most empowering.

Click through to learn more about what we don’t say, and why we use these terms instead.

Changing Your Relationship with Alcohol

…Instead of “Get Sober”

Changing your relationship with alcohol means something different to everyone, and our goals can change over time. It can’t be defined by a single outcome or objective. For some, that means cutting back. For others, that means cutting out alcohol entirely. We all relate to alcohol in a different way, and how we choose to create distance is personal, too. Further reading: How to psychologically distance yourself from people … and alcohol.

Alcohol Use Disorder

…Instead of “Alcoholism or Drinking Problem”

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a condition characterized by drinking more than you want and for longer than you want, despite wanting to cut down. AUD can be clinically diagnosed based on the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5 manual, and can be treated with a medical solution. Further reading: Everything You Need To Know About ‘Alcohol Use Disorder’ And Its Signs

AF (Alcohol-Free) Cocktail

…Instead of “Mocktail”

Mock (mäk); adjective: not authentic or real, but without the intention to deceive. “Mocktail” insinuates that it’s a knock-off version of a cocktail. Alcohol-free beverages are not any less of a drink than one with liquor or high ABV%. AF Cocktails are their own category, and deserve a full spread across every menu. Further reading: Delish AF

Medical Condition

…Instead of “Moral Failing”

Alcohol use disorder is a medical condition, not a reflection of moral character. Holistic care on Monument can include therapy, medication, and community features such as moderated support groups. A medical condition deserves to be treated with a medical solution, without any shame or stigma. Further reading: Alcohol Use Disorder Is A Medical Problem. Here’s Our Medical Solution.

Non-Linear Journey

…Instead of “Relapse or Failure”

Everyone’s path is unique, and setbacks don’t erase our progress or define our journey. We believe in working toward goals to develop a healthier relationship with alcohol. Our journey’s are often nonlinear, and we always hold the potential to achieve our goals. Further reading: Exercises To Achieve Your Ideal Self

Moderating

…Instead of “Still Drinking”

In many traditional programs, there’s a one-size-fits-all goal: total abstinence. If someone is drinking less, they’re seen as “still drinking.” We believe reducing your alcohol intake through moderation can either be a great way to live a healthier life, or a great step toward sobriety, depending on your needs. Further reading: Can I Drink In Moderation? Ask Yourself These Questions

Progress

…Instead of “Perfection”

Expecting perfection in anything can quickly cause us to feel shame and discouragement, and abandon our goals altogether. We are only human, and can still make long-lasting lifestyle changes without a 100% success rate. We prioritize long-term progress over short-term perfection every time. Further reading: The Value (And Traps) Of Resolution Setting

Something To Be Proud Of

…Instead of “Something To Be Ashamed Of”

Changing your relationship with alcohol is something to be proud of. Hey, it might even become your superpower. Drinking less can bring you more clarity, confidence, connection, and so much more. Like any other medical condition, alcohol use disorder isn’t something to be ashamed of. And addressing it is quite the opposite. Further reading: The Sobriety Gift Guide: 11 Ways Drinking Less Gives You More

Recovery (sometimes)

…Instead of Recovery (all the time)

Recovery can mean the process of combating a disorder, regaining strength, getting back something that’s been lost, and more. Many folks who are sober identify with the word, and many people don’t. You might see it in some spaces at Monument, but if you don’t identify as in recovery, that is 100% valid, and you are not alone. Further reading: How To Tell People You’re Getting Treatment To Change Your Drinking

Your Name

…Instead of labels like “Alcoholic or Addict”

Drinking is something we do (behavior), not who we are (character). And it’s something we can change. Our drinking does not define us. We will call you by your name (or username!), or however you choose to identify. Further reading: Navigating the early recovery identity crisis

We envision a new, stigma-free, culture around alcohol use disorder. We hope you’ll join us in changing the conversation.

Disclaimer: Our articles and resources do not constitute clinical or licensed therapy or other health care services. If you need counseling or therapy services please contact a licensed provider. If this is a medical emergency, call 911.

My 4 Tips For Going To Your First Party Sober

Posted on January 19, 2021 | by Team Monument | Leave a Comment

Before the first party I went to sober, I hadn’t had a drink in five months and was starting to feel socially unfulfilled. A friend of mine was a drummer in an alt-rock band and posted his upcoming show on Instagram… which I took as an invitation. Immediately, I knew I wanted to go, but my mind began racing. I hadn’t been to a bar in over 150 days. The principle of staying away from people, places, and things associated with drinking is rational. It’s simple: don’t F with fire. In the first few months of sobriety, if something held the potential to destabilize my emotional wellness, I told myself to stay far, far away. And I think that was wise. What became clear over time, however, was that there is no one-size-fits-all solution for getting and staying sober. I once believed that dancing and drinking went hand-in-hand. Now, three years later, sober as ever, I’m a born-again partier.

Whether you’re attending a socially distanced soirée or a digital happy-hour, here’s my guide on navigating sobriety (and parties).

Bring A Buddy

I felt some shame prior to choosing to go to that alt-rock concert. With full transparency, I cried… hard. I worried about judgment from my sober peers — that going to a concert would be reckless and that I wasn’t serious about my sobriety. Don’t F with fire, Daisy.

Then, a dear sober friend of mine offered to go with me. She assured me that we have no obligation to stay, whatever the reason. If we felt overwhelmed, uncomfortable, or of course, tempted to drink, we would leave. No questions asked and we’d leave together. She also promised me Red Bulls.

Without a buddy (sober stars and sober-allies alike!), attending parties can feel daunting. Assurance of safety, compassion, and understanding helped me walk through fear and not around it.

It also doesn’t hurt to have a friend from Philly who can dance to rock music like a pro.

Abundance Mindset V. Scarcity Mindset

I had tried to quit drinking numerous times before. Previously, one of my primary roadblocks was that I believed my world would get smaller. I thought that opportunities for friendships, romance, good times, dancing…partying would take a major hit. The truth of the matter is, alcohol and drugs rarely brought me an abundance of anything other than shame, loneliness, brutal hangovers, guilt — the list goes on. Maybe you can relate. The short story is that once I got sober, gifts revealed themselves. Sure, they didn’t arrive right away, but eventually, with patience, they did. And the most unexpected gift I was given was joy (and a lot of it).

Life doesn’t stop when you decide to change your relationship with alcohol. And that means all parts of life. There is still sadness, anger, and loneliness. I’m human. I feel things. Only now I’m fully present for all of those feelings, including the joy which today feels infinite.

Freedom Over Fear

Fear of setbacks is real. And it’s not any less real for someone ten days sober or ten years sober. A skill I’ve learned over the years from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (thank you, Marsha Linehan), is that the path between the emotional mind and the rational mind is a wise mind. Now, I wholeheartedly believe in honoring that voice inside of us which says I’m scared. That emotion is real. I can also recognize the importance of reasoning with yourself: if we don’t feel ready to go to a venue where alcohol is going to be served, that too is real. My wise mind is in the middle of the two paths.

Oftentimes I pause before I commit to a plan, or even moments before I step out of the house (which is okay! You can change your mind about the partying thing, always). I take a moment and decide how to hold the two truths at the same time: that with honoring the emotional mind and the rational mind, I can take action from a place of internal wisdom. I’ve worked for it and I’m still working on it.

Navigating relationship challenges while managing your drinking

Relationships are complex. And the challenges that come with changing your drinking can add additional complexity and stress. Join an honest discussion about cultivating healthy relationships through sobriety or moderation.

Check out the Schedule

Not all paths are linear, and perhaps whatever decision you come to may feel like it was the wrong call. That’s okay. Compassion, compassion, compassion: we’re all learning. If you hate the party, sob at the party, run out of the party (and I’ve done all three at the same time), take note. Tap into your wise mind: do alcohol-friendly venues make you feel unsafe today?

H.A.L.T (And Eat) Because: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired = Not Good For A Night Out. Ever.

And prior to any party, take a moment and HALT (quite literally). Are you hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? If any of the above, determine what you can control. If you’re hungry, eat feel-good food. If you’re tired, consider an alternative evening plan (might I suggest Reality TV). If you’re angry or lonely, ask yourself what best serves your mental health. Maybe that is going dancing. Perhaps that means sitting with yourself and self-soothing through the discomfort. Establishing routine self-care check-ins like H.A.L.T. has been instrumental to my sobriety.

So, when the time comes to attend an alt-rock concert (and who really knows when that will be possible again) or a socially distanced gathering, know that maybe there’s no right answer. You have made an admirable decision to show up for yourself by changing your relationship with alcohol, and no matter how you facilitate joy — whether through red bull-induced dance moves or not — you deserve that. My greatest memories have been made throughout my sobriety. Without alcohol, I have had more fun, made more fruitful connections, and have danced harder: completely and shamelessly myself.

6 Effective Tips on How to Drink in Moderation

Posted on January 12, 2021 | by Team Monument | Leave a Comment

Establishing a healthy relationship with alcohol means something different for everyone. Some people make the choice to change their drinking habits over time without seeking treatment. Others may need additional support in order to drink in moderation or stop drinking entirely. All paths are valid.

Ultimately, you may decide sobriety better suits your needs and goals than moderation. However, learning how to moderate your drinking can be a productive way to get started. Whatever path you’re on, you are not alone. Here are six helpful tips on how to drink in moderation:

Recognize and Adjust Drinking Patterns
Track and Reduce Consumption
Practice Saying No or Offering an Alternative
Set Goals and Turn to the Support of Others
Find and Maximize What Brings You Joy
Invest in a Tailored Solution

1. Recognize and Adjust Drinking Patterns

One of the first tips for how to drink in moderation is taking the time to be mindful of your drinking patterns. As you take a critical look at the patterns of how much you drink and when you drink, see if there is any correlation with what else is going on in your life. Ask yourself:

Am I drinking alcohol because I’m lonely, depressed, or in a certain mental space?
Does drinking help me feel better? In what ways?
Does my alcohol consumption fluctuate based on the amount of stress in my life?
Is it easy for me to drink excessively in the company of others?

Asking yourself these types of questions can help get to the root of how you feel before, during, and after you drink. For example, if you’re in a routine of drinking a glass of red wine to unwind, does limiting it to a single drink rather than three or four achieve the same goal? On the other hand, do you find yourself drinking more when around friends or colleagues out of habit or peer pressure?

By being conscious of your drinking habits, you can find what helps you drink responsibly and practice pacing yourself. Moderate drinking isn’t something that occurs overnight, but can be rewarding as you begin to change your relationship with alcohol. Rather than turning to alcohol as a way to cope or socialize, changing your drinking behavior can open up new opportunities to promote self-care and well-being without the need to drink.

2. Track and Reduce Consumption

Part of recognizing recurring drinking behaviors is tracking consumption. According to the CDC, moderate alcohol consumption is equivalent to two drinks per day for men and one per day for women. A standard drink is defined as a 12-ounce bottle of beer, a 5-ounce glass of wine, or a cocktail that contains 5 percent alcohol. This means you may be consuming more alcohol than you think. By following this marker of moderate drinking, you can mentally take note and pace yourself when alcohol is involved.

If you’re an occasional or social drinker, it can be easy to participate in binge drinking and feel like it doesn’t have an effect on your health or how well you function. When, in reality, the health risks of binge drinking are present regardless of how often it occurs. A similar mindset shift is necessary when on vacation or around the holidays when it’s easy to relinquish controlled drinking and consume more than one or two drinks.

Think about the benefits of sobriety – how drinking less can give you more out of life. For starters, it’ll help you stay present in the moment and in tune with others without the fogginess brought on by alcohol. That said, when surrounded by others who are drinking excessively, it can be challenging to moderate alcohol intake without support and preparation, which brings us to the third tip: how to say no.

3. Practice Saying No or Offering an Alternative

Peer pressure isn’t reserved solely for young adult behavior. It can pop up at any time, at any age, and it doesn’t feel any easier to avoid even if you’ve experienced it before. You may set out with the best intentions of limiting your alcohol intake when getting together with friends or joining co-workers for a happy hour, but it can be challenging to hold firm to those guidelines when in the moment. When putting moderation into practice, it often involves planning how to politely but firmly decline the inevitable drinks that’ll be passed your way.

A quick “no, thank you” can be an effective way to set a boundary between yourself and those who may urge you to drink. In other situations, constant peer pressure to drink can be a cue to exit a situation early, and a sign that you should reevaluate who you’re hanging out with, or where you’re getting together. A “no” can also be communicated as an “instead of.” Instead of hanging out at a bar, why not take up another type of social activity? It allows you to define what you value from relationships with others, while you’re adjusting your relationship with alcohol. If a connection is what you’re after, choose an environment where your mood or personality isn’t altered by heavy drinking. It gives you a chance to embrace and show your true authentic self.

Moderation in the time of Coronavirus

The global pandemic is affecting our behaviors in many ways, including our alcohol consumption. Join the discussion about assessing your own drinking behaviors and creating healthier habits through moderation.

Check out the Schedule

4. Set Goals and Turn to the Support of Others

Another tip to consider when exploring how to drink in moderation is setting attainable goals. These can range from limiting how much you drink per day or week to designating a window of time when you refrain from drinking altogether, such as No Alcohol November or Dry January. Whatever you’re determined to tackle, setting goals can help us reflect on past behaviors, and be intentional about what we want to change.

During the times when you’re alcohol-free, does it change how you feel and where you place value in your life? Do you find you’re able to think more clearly, focus better, and maintain your energy? Build upon these positive changes as you continue to cut down on drinking alcohol, and don’t feel discouraged if you face challenges along the way. Changing your relationship with alcohol is often a non-linear journey, and setbacks are a normal part of progress.

Leaning on Peer and Professional Support

You don’t need to have a ‘rock bottom’ to seek treatment and community. Connecting with medical professionals and a peer support network can give you the tools to reach your goals, and set you up for long-term success.

Monument’s Community is available 24/7, and is completely anonymous. Share your challenges and questions with other people who are navigating sobriety or moderation. Monument also provides therapist-moderated online alcohol support groups on a range of topics, including navigating moderation. With Monument, you can feel empowered to make progress on your own terms, while knowing you have a holistic support network cheering you on.

5. Find and Maximize What Brings You Joy

Oftentimes, drinking alcohol can be a coping mechanism for negative feelings, and create a false sense of calmness, relief, and even joy. Finding alternative ways to achieve those feelings is a crucial part of changing your relationship with alcohol.

Not sure where to start? The following are activities that can create moments of joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment without alcohol:

Daily exercise
Spending time in nature
Meditating
A new hobby

Think about how you want to show up for yourself, what actions can help get you there, and the ways alcohol prohibits your progress.

As you introduce healthy activities, alcohol alternatives, and productive coping mechanisms into your life, you will likely find that alcohol becomes less important to you. As you change your drinking habits, it’s important to check in with yourself and your needs. You may decide that abstaining from alcohol is the best course of action for you, or you may decide that being able to drink in moderation is a realistic long-term goal. Whatever the case, we’re here to support you in a way that makes you feel empowered and confident.

6. Invest in a Tailored Solution

Whether you’re on the path to sobriety or drinking in moderation, it’s a rewarding result of self-reflection and the beginning of a new and healthy relationship with alcohol.

By limiting your alcohol intake you’re lowering your risk of certain health conditions, including cardiovascular and liver disease. It also helps to regulate your blood pressure and improve your cognitive functioning. You’ll find increased clarity, calmness, and balance on a regular basis. In short, drinking less can give you more out of life as you promote and sustain your well-being. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Monument provides online treatment that includes professional counseling, a peer community, and physician-prescribed medication to stop drinking. This holistic treatment model is designed to help you reach your goals in an environment that’s welcoming and supportive. It’s available online and on your own time.

Take the First Step In the Journey

By checking in on your relationship with alcohol, you can transform the role it plays in your life. The path isn’t always a linear one, but it’s definitely rewarding. Changing your relationship with alcohol is an act of self-care, and you should be proud to embark on that journey, or continue along your path. Join the Monument Community, and get encouragement and advice throughout your moderation journey.